And by old I mean like 38 years old .
Seriously getting old seems so frigging scary, I am at the age of almost 38! O how that makes me cringe to say that.
That means I am getting closer to 40 that makes me want to cry but this is not the point of my story.
The point is as a single mom I am running out of time, like for my body to still be intact, I mean things are going to start drooping and body parts will get saggy and then pretty soon I will end looking like the damn big marshmallow guy off of Ghostbusters do you remember him? Was he a ghost?? Will you get the point.
Then my face will get a bunch of wrinkles as if my face isn't horrid enough I mean I am in my mid 30's and I still have acne I mean why?? And then what if god forbid I start wearing a bunch of make-up to try to make my face look better but I just end up looking like a clown.
And let's not even bother with my hair because to my horror as I was pleasantly looking in the mirror....Wait please tell me who the fuck actually looks in the mirror and has the beautiful birds from Snow White singing around them and thinks damn I am so hot, because first of all I hate you and second please teach me your ways. But as I was saying I tried to remain calm and looked in the mirror and noticed pretty white yes WHITE HAIR no not grey just white and I wanted to cry.
And did I mention I am pretty sure my hair is thinning?? Will isn't this a welcome to your almost 38 which should really just be, just kidding we speed you up to 40.
Honestly I can't catch a break and before you all think to yourself will isn't she superficial she should just be glad she is healthy and alive.
Trust me I am. I'm just saying that It would be nice to know how it feels to be pretty when I was a teen I was awkward shy and had a lot of acne I got bullied constantly and no I am not looking for sympathy or anyone to be like O but you are pretty, Because at some point in your life you just need to get over it and move on.
I can already see my online ad now single mom mid's 30's everything still intact at the moment has beautiful reddish-brownish white hair?? looks like she is trapped in 12 yr old body has all her shit together, but recently unemployed but other then that my shit is together and hey I feel like I look like shit so if your available holler at me . Man that is the ad of winners.
I can already imaging all the emails from the unemployed men who live at home with mommy and let's not forget the creepy perverts .
I am seriously not ready to grow old in fact half the time I don't even act like a grown up. I don't even know how to speak grow up I sound somewhere between a preteen trying way to hard to fit in and a 20 something who desperately just need attention. BUT OMG ...ha just kidding you guys just making sure your all still awake and paying attention.
I am going to be the most awkward old person ever but one awesome grandma. But seriously I'm going to have like wired colored hair, still be doing Zumba and shaking my saggy ass, will let's be honest I am pretty flat butted as it is so basically I will be shaking whatever is left. still using sarcasm as my weapon of deconstruction and probably having a truck driver mouth.
As for my approaching birthday of 38 closer to 40 I refuse to act old it is just not in my way of life hell I don't even act my age now. I walk into a nightclub and I am like I am home I love to dance and to be honest I can usually out dance all the 21yr olds not bragging it's just a fact and before you all get your panties in a wedge no I do not go out all time and to be honest I am never drunk so I think it is OK for moms to go out and have fun. Also I fangirl with my daughter way to much we pretty much like the same music so we listen to the same stuff and I am not ashamed to say I am a mama mahomie that is a term for a mom who also likes Austin mahone .
I don't want to look at growing old as scary even though it really does scare me. I am not going to let it change me. and I suppose I will just have to hope my body does not give out on me and that things don't start sagging on me just yet...and as for white hair will I could probably make it a trend right?!
So in my best fangirl voice I am ready for another birthday sort of come and get me 38 but you have been warned I am going to kick your ass because I refuse to grow old quietly.
