So your a single mom...

That is a fun phrase when people say that to me.

Am I suppose to be wearing a freaking badge that announces I AM A SINGLE MOM!!

There is many different kinds of single mommies.

As I found out when I decide to check out a single moms group, sounded fun enough and harmless ....Boy was I wrong.

I pull up to said building and proceed to walk in with my daughter.

We are quickly greeted by one of the happiest most fast talking women I have ever meet.

She lets me know she is super happy I am here and that is OK to be a single mommy...umm OK.

She then hands me a name tag that looks as though it came out of a freaking Lisa frank sticker  book I am suddenly amused  and a bit horrified, memories of 5th grade flash at me.

I put my name on the name tag and proceed to continue when patty happy Say's to me" would you like a button too dear before you go in".

I look at the button and read it. written in big black letters are the words" I am a super single mommy!!! I try really really hard not to laugh . I even try to be nice .

But all I can think to say is are these for real? The look on patty Happy's face Say's yes bitch they are now wear it. I grab mine and stuff in my pocket even my daughter rolls her eyes.

I drop my daughter off in the supervised play area and head to the room where we  are all meeting , when I walk in the chairs are all in a circle kinda like school when you had to sit and introduce yourself although I am worried I may have walked into a AA meeting.

But no happy patty has entered the room and seems pleased there is so many of us.

I look around at the other moms and smile and think to myself this should be interesting.

patty happy makes us all introduce ourselves and tell a little about ourselves I hate this kinda stuff makes me feel like I am on the first day of school. we all introduce ourselves and some of the moms take way to long to tell about themselves when it is my turn I say,

Hey I am Jenn and does anyone else feel like they should be saying "and I have been a single mommy for 5 /6 years now but it's OK I am recovering , dead silence and horrified stares is all I get.

Jeez tough crowd,,,, Miss patty happy finally compose herself and stands up and Say's well that was interesting Jenn did you have anymore sarcasm for us or did you get it all out of you?

I looked miss perfect pants in the eyes and said not sure yet I have to see what other ridiculousness we have going on tonight and then I will let you know.

Yep I was a crowd pleaser! any way we all sat around eating fancy cookies and kool- aid never the less.

Discussing our feelings of being a single mom and why it sucks. I listened as mom after mom told her sad story of why she was a single mom and how it was tough but they were overcoming it.

And all I  could think was really overcoming it? you do not have disease or a disability that you need to overcome you are raising a child.

patty happy smiled at me and I realized it was my turn. "um I have been a single mom for awhile now my daughter is 8. my husband cheated on me with a girl he met on craigslist of all places. and I was really upset and mad and betrayed but also deep inside I was relived and felt free because I just wanted to get away from him.

I pause and notice everyone staring at me in shock and wonder.

"well I really  don't feel the need to go into detail but when you are being emotionally , mentally and physically abused you will take anyway out. so I am OK being a single mom and I don't feel like I need to overcome it.

It is what it is you get off your ass you do what you have to do and you raise your child and take each day as it comes and quit feeling sorry for yourself and just be a mom single or not.

I look around the circle and most of the moms are just looking at me, Then patty happy chimes in'" well Jenn that was powerful thank you". OK ladies let's move on.

 Patty happy decides we should all mingle amongst ourselves and make friends.

O goody it's high school all over again where the popular girls all get together and ignore me or even better talk trash about me but to my amazement there is a women standing in front me.

I look at her and smile and say hi. She smiles back our as much as she can smile she has so much botox in her lips and face that at any moment I was worried her face could blow up and all over me. I tried to shake the imagen from my mind and be nice.

"Hi my name is Alexa. She extends her hand my way and all I notice as I shake her hand is the amount of jewelery she has  and how perfect her hands look.

As Alexa is talking to me I look her over and I amused, she is wearing a track suit with  her boobs hanging out and the words cougar written across her butt, she has on 2 inch heels and her hair and face are done to the nines she looks as though she is a stripper all though maybe a classy one if they have those.

I realize Alexa has stopped talking and is staring at me , she smiles "so do you like them"?

I am trying to rack my brain and think real hard if I heard anything she said but my mind fails me she then laughs the boobs what do you think I just had them done a couple days ago what do you think?

I thought many things that were not nice and felt them about to escape from my mouth when I said really there fake? no way I couldn't tell wow that must of cost a lot.

Alexa  laughed and said" honey I didn't pay for them one of my many admires did."

well it doesn't sound like you are living the hard knock life of a single mom.

She frowns at me , No of course I am I have 1 kid to take care of he is a lot of work and I work real hard and try to provide for him.

"What do you do for a living? Alexa winks at me and whisper it is not what I do honey it is who I do.

And with that I say a fake it was nice talking to you and move on to another person and that is when I am stopped by the worst kind of single mom ever!!!

The mom who thinks her shit don't stink.

She clomps over to me in her fancy heels and with each step  her heels are saying "charity case, " charity case.

She sits next to me and just stares at me, hey what's up? I smile back and" say not much."

so she Say's are you like a man hater is that why your wearing that outfit?

I stare down at my blue jeans with my tee shirt and converse and say" nope just being comfy."

I look at her outfit and realize somehow I must have missed that memo that said wear your track suit and heels and look like a 2.00 hooker.

she rolls her eyes and yawns , As if my presence is boring her. she sighs and Say's " I really don't want to be here because I am not like all you single moms you know a loser.

I didn't have a choice on becoming a single mom my husband died and left me single with three kids.

I tell her I am sorry to hear that and it must be hard.  she smirks yeah I don't get to decide if I want to be a single moms like you guys, I am about to defend myself when miss big mouth Say's but at least he was loaded so when he died I became a rich bitch.

I go to get up, She stands too. I look at her unsure of what to say.  she continues talking I just come here to get out of the house and listen to these other women's stories and then I go home feeling totally better about myself and I get a great laugh.

I decide I have finally had it with ms. stepford creepy single mommy. I turn to her and say wow you are a class act your arrogance just evaporates off of you how sad.... and I leave.

My last mommy meeting of the night was not so creepy but she was a bit  of a Debbie downer everything was depressing to her and she didn't think she could keep doing it being a single mom and all and having a life.

I assured  her things get better and that she just needed to stay positive and talk to friends or family if possible to which she respond she had no one to talk to .

I was almost going to feel bad for her when she said" hey we could be friends and hang out and you can find me on face book and we can do so many fun things and my daughter would love a new friend". As she keep talking I started envisioning scenes from single white female and said to myself  I  need to get the hell out of here.

I excused myself from Debbie downer and ran down the hall and grabbed my daughter  I could not get into my car fast enough.

Never again well I go to a single mommy group.

It was the most terrifying experience ever !!!

So tell me what kind of single mom are you??

Or have you met a single mom that just totally had you saying WTF??










 

Welcome to single mom land...

No one plans on becoming a single mom, There are the mothers whom instead of waiting around for

For  a guy. decide to go to sperm banks and have there child that way , Or even the moms who decide

To have a surrogate mother have a baby for them and that is there choice of course and hey more power to you!

But there is the rest of us women like me who didn't think they were going to be single mothers.

We thought we would be married and of course have kids and for lack of better wording live happily ever after.

Then you know shit happened like maybe your husband cheated on you as in my case apparently he thought the grass was greener on the other side

Or maybe the husband died, Or just plain decide he didn't want to be married anymore Even worse our the teen moms who are left to raise the kids by  themselves.

And of course when this all happens you are left wondering how in the hell your suppose to go on

I mean there is no guide on how to be a single mom ,no step by step plan of action you just really wing it and hope for the best.

My daughter was young probably 4 or 5. so not at a age were she fully understood why it was just her and I but old enough to know that daddy was gone and he didn't  live with us anymore.

Now the bitchy side of me really wanted to tell my daughter that daddy was a big jerk who thought he had found the perfect women who he had been meant to be with{On craigslist no less}

But the mature me just said what I suspect a lot of single moms say, daddy loves you very much but daddy and I agreed that we just couldn't get along so daddy went to live somewhere else.

Or you could be me I simply said to my daughter Daddy loves you but daddy did a very dumb thing and decide to be with a another girl so mommy had to tell daddy to leave.
I know I know close your mouth but really I think it was best to go the direct way with her

I didn't want her to hear lies and then when she was older be angry with me. for the most part she wasn't fazed she just said well when you are married you aren't suppose to have a girlfriend .

Yep my kid was smart, Maybe a little to wise beyond her age.


It is most of the truth! I don't want to tell her lies like daddy works a lot , or daddy and me just couldn't live together anymore,

Or so on and so on  and hey if you have said this stuff I am not judging you just saying I felt honesty was the best possible way.

My daughter is now 8. And my ex husband still is involved in her life which I am thankful for because I know that is not always the case.

And I have forgave him for the cheating and many other things that I will discuss next time because

I  figured I could be angry and really restful which trust me I was a mess for days even weeks after I found out.

But One day I just decide to let all the pint up anger and hurt go because it was just making me miserable.

It was better to just forgive him and move on I am happy he is with someone who makes him happy.

Am I OK being a single mom?

Yes and no. I like having my freedom no one to answer to ,I can do what I want when I want for the most part.


It does suck when I have to discipline my daughter there is no one for me to turn to help  me or take over when I am at my last straw.

There is no one to ask what to do when there is a big problem or a decision that seems huge and life changing.

No one to grocery shop, clean house, help with homework, or  take care of me when I get sick.

Nope I do all this by myself. Am I asking for a medal no, Am I wanting your pity no I am just pointing out that sometimes it really sucks to be a single mom.

There is good stuff of course I get to be a wonder mom as my daughter Say's. I get to hang out and have girl time all the time and really get to know who she is listen to her tell me how she feels . we are super close.

I have learned that I can be independent and do more things then I thought I could. basically I am stronger then I ever knew.

I have learned who I am and that it is OK to be alone and I have more time to focus on my daughter and do the things I like and discover new things .

But let's me honest in the back of my mind there is that horrible thought that what if I end up being alone.

What will I do if I never find love? I certainly do not need a man or even mind being single but let's face it everyone needs to feel loved.

I really hate thinking about trying to get out there and date the whole idea makes me want to crawl into a corner and become a nun.

And what if when my daughter is older she leaves and I am still single then what? I will be that old lady with a thousand dogs.[. I really hate cats]. This thought really scares me.

But for now I just try to push those thought to the back of my mind and focus on being the best mom I can be and trying to raise a 8yr daughter in this  crazy world.

Now if I could just figure out how the mom down the block seems to have it all and be the most awesome single mom in the world then I would feel a lot better about myself.

Have you meet that single mom? What you thought there was only one type of a single mom!

Well then stay tuned for blog post number 2. because you will be amazed and OK I will admitted slightly jealous.

So how do you feel about being a single mom? Don't be shy I  wont judge let me know if you can relate to my post or you think I am way off.

Thanks for reading my first post hope you enjoy and all feedback is always welcomed.